The Tinder Dating Chronicles: A => B x C

Yeah that’s right, you didn’t misread. I’ve lasted three months into my new years resolution of no Tinder. It’s going to be short lived though. Let me explain. My BFF met this lovely guy the old fashion way. He came into her workplace as a customer, decided he fancied her and then asked if she wanted to go out for coffee. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to happen? Aww. Anyway, that’s how I came to be back on Tinder.

Despite not learning my lesson with my “fix up” earlier this year, I decided to go on a date with another tax accountant. The was conversation prior to the date so his banter seemed reasonable albeit slightly odd. Though I am slightly odd so that’s ok. We arranged to meet at a restaurant for dinner on a Friday, during a text conversation on a Monday of the previous week. So we basically had twelve days to wait (dating with a LM requires a lot of pre-planning). No problem. We exchange a couple of messages between here and there and it’s all good. It started innocently enough.

Monday 12pm – “Hey, how’s your day going?” We all know how much I love that disingenuous question. Tuesday 7pm – “Hey, what’s for dinner tonight?” Wednesday 11am – “Hey, so what kinda music are you into?”

You get the idea. Small chat/texts that sometimes turned into a bit of a text conversation and others I didn’t write back to because I was busy. He even went so far as to suggest ideas for a second and third day. Very keen I thought.

Date night rolls around. He’s nice. I’m nice back. We enjoy a nice meal and some very light conversation that flows really well. Slightly different sense of humour so some of my jokes are missed, and some of his jokes are missed on me. Not to worry. I think there’s enough here that warrants a second date. They don’t often make it to second date territory so this is a big call. He kindly pays for dinner, despite my protests. Said it’s part of his master plan of securing a second date, which I thought was pretty smooth. He then kindly walks me to my car and gives me a hug goodbye. I get home to a message “Thanks for a wonderful evening, I hope we can do it again.” That’s nice, I think to myself as I drift off to sleep.

Day 1

6am – “Morning! Did you sleep ok?”

7am – “Have a good day at work!”

11am – “So how’s work going?”

1pm – “So what’s on the menu for lunch today?”

3pm – “on the home stretch now, what are you up to at work?”

5pm – “Joy, just about to start my commute home, how long does it take you?”

7pm – “So what’s for dinner?”

8pm – “What are you watching on TV?”

9:30am – “I hope you sleep well, goodnight, talk to you tomorrow!”

SURELY a tax accountant can apply some kind of algorithm or formula to this scenario. The amount of messages you send (a) should be equal to or lesser than (=>) the level of affection reciprocated (b) times by (x) the length of time passed (c).

A => B x C

I don’t know what I just said but it made sense when I was typing it out…When I didn’t reply, he would send multiple messages.  If it was longer than four hours, he started to get worried and would message me things like “just checking you’re ok…” and “are we still ok?” and “I haven’t heard from you in a while, just wondering what you’re up too…”

I lasted about five days and as each day rolled on, he became more frantic with the volume and I put more and more time in between replies, hoping it was just him being keen and not mental. It was the day I received 15 messages that I sent one back saying “I don’t think I’ve ever had someone send me the number of messages you have after one day. Whilst I was open to a second date, I no longer am as your messages have been really off putting. I did have a wonderful time with you and wish you the best of luck on your search.”

The only message I sent to not receive a reply.



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