I talk a lot about how shit Tinder is and how many wankers are on it but as we all know, dating is a numbers game. There are certainly wonderful men in this World and if you subject yourself to enough of them, you’re bound to meet a good one. This… is one of those stories. *cue Law and Order theme*….
The eyes. It’s all about the eyes. His were completely consuming. With such dark and expressive eyes, a lot of the space you feel inclined to fill with banality is not really needed. An entire conversation is had with one single glance. Looking at this person I feel like perhaps my brain transcends the ability to process what this person look likes, and more unconsciously makes me feel like that moment in a falling dream, right before you hit the ground. Yeah, it’s probably a bit much, but when you move beyond “how was your day” to someone who naturally draws out your inner most desires and dreams for yourself with the sole intention of knowing who you really are underneath all the bravado, you know you might have stumbled onto someone extraordinary.
I remember meeting him for the first time. I’ve only been on a couple of dates with a man who’s gone to the effort of dressing in a suit and it resulted in being verbally abused for being a whore for not wanting to sleep with said person. I was dubious. But he was actually lovely as well as being impeccably dressed. I couldn’t move passed the eyes. Such dark eyes, set amongst dark features, highlighted a hint of a darker, or probably more accurately, a reserved personality. A quietly mannered man who took care in his choice of words. Who furrowed his brow slightly when thinking about a particular response. Whose angular features sharpened when I stumbled across a topic of conversation or question that caused him to consider more than one answer. Why over-think so much? Does your answer guide me to the person you think I should know? Who are you? I want to know more. This man is more than intelligent and I am so out of my depth. Quick… just say out loud the longest most complex word you know… supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Fuck… Did I spell that correctly?
It escalated really quickly… There was wine, a romantic trip over the water and some seafood restaurant but seriously, who gives a fuck about that. Every time he asked me a question he would look at me with such intensity awaiting my response that I felt completely disarmed. I can’t even remember a time where I’d let someone make me feel like that before. We talked about everything and anything. One of those dates where I felt like I could just be me. It’s difficult to consciously dumb yourself down to save on someone’s egos but this time was different. Of course, I wanted to see him again and vice versa. I’m going to skip to the third date when on a whim a flight itinerary popped into my work email and I was instructed I had a time frame to pack and be on the plane. I swanned into Melbourne and threw myself into his arms like every scene from every romantic movie I’ve ever loved. We are talking bonafide romantic Mark Darcy shit with a smattering of Christian Grey. Seriously, who the fuck flies a random tinder girl to Melbourne for the weekend?
So I know what you’re thinking… Yes Suzi, but you’re all about the “buts” and you know what? I am. I consider myself a realist. I moved to back to Brisbane from Sydney where this all took place and the communication was still there albeit months apart. It’s continued for almost a year now. The thing that goes hand in hand with a person like that is distance. I’m not talking about physical locality, although in this case, as of right now, it is about nine hundred kilometres. I’m talking about the multiple facets that make up a person and how willing they are to share those with you. Like a moth to the naked flame, there’s an undeniable pull that’s pretty hard to shake. If I were young(er) without the weight of my responsibilities sitting heavily on my mind, there’s no doubt I would vehemently pursue this until I got what I wanted. But these days, I feel fairly reserved in terms of the amount of effort I want to exert. It’s not that I want to squander an opportunity. It’s that I don’t know, despite good intentions, if an opportunity even exists. My life is now not just mine. I have a lot of other factors to consider. The limited time to invest into someone who has limited time to invest might have already made the decision for us both. Watch this space.