The Suzi Tinder Dating Chronicles: Chapter 8 – “How was your day?”

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How was your day? Innocent enough question, right? Yeah. If you’re married or have been with your significant other for a while and when you’re asking “how was your day, dear?” You’re doing it because you actually want to know. In the online dating world, this is the question dreaded by all singletons. “How was your day” when asked by someone you’ve been speaking to for a while essentially means I can’t create an interesting conversation. Before you get all hoity toity like “Jesus fucking Christ, Suzi… How else are you supposed to start a conversation, you’re so harsh… you should lower your increasingly high expectations” I say to you, alright Mum just chill… My point was, “how was your day” is your first opener. Then you build your common ground and voila, a decent conversation that doesn’t involve asking someone what they ate for lunch.

Enter Lumberjack man. Named aptly for his long ginger beard and flannelette shirt which he wore pretty well. This date was 6 months in the making. After my very first bout of Tinder fatigue, I bailed on all my matches, even the ones who had my number. I’ll give him this, he was fucking persistent. He messaged probably twice a month and this is how it would go. “Hey Suzi, how was your day?” Then I’d ignore it. He’d message a few weeks later with “Hey Suzi, How was your weekend?” Almost as bad but occasionally I would indulge. He knew the generic shit about me. I had a minime, I worked full time, I studied law, I went to the festival of lights and my pug Frank ran away because he’s frightened of hot air balloons and I also gave him MANY MANY anecdotes on which to build from but no… “how was your day” was his go to.

So, as is a rare weekend without my beloved minime, when someone I had plans with bailed on me, his “how was your day” text caught me in a rare and vulnerable moment. So I agreed to a date.  I was determined to get him to branch out so while we were sitting face to face and he said “how was your day” my reply was “good.” And there we sat. In silence. For like, 10 minutes. Unable to bear the awkwardness, I struggled to recall a fact he had told me several months earlier. “Ohh… ummm, I remember you telling me you went on a holiday to America!! How was that? What did you see?” Conversational gold. He will surely be able to talk my ear off about it. “I went to New York for two days. Then I went to Utah for 1 day. Then I went to San Fran for 3 days. Then I went to Cali for 4 days.” I’m like “uh, ok but what was the highlight of your trip?” Wait for it… “Well, when I went to New York I didn’t see Central Park. I also didn’t see the Statue of Liberty. I also didn’t see…” I see where this is going. Fast forward to my second glass of wine. “Tell me about how you’re going with Tinder…” Low and behold, not much luck.

I realise I’m a total wanker at times. This is one of those times. “So, if I can just give you some constructive feedback. You’re not having that much luck with Tinder because it’s very very difficult to have an engaging conversation with you.” He kind of looked like a little puppy when you make a funny noise and they tip their heads to the side. I felt like I was popping a little kids balloon. “What I mean is, “how was your day” is a good opener at the start to build some common ground, but it’s probably not the greatest go to on a constant basis… especially when you could say something like ‘how did that meeting go that you were nervous about etc.’ Catch my drift?” Then he got this shits. “See, this is what’s wrong with women these days. There’s NOTHING wrong with be a traditionalist. If I ask how your day is, I WANT TO KNOW how your day is!?” At this stage we had ordered dinner and I couldn’t run away. I made small talk about how thought processes come to be but it was when he looked at me, totally defeated, and said “I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m just a carpenter,” I knew we were done. We walked to our cars, shoulders dropped, lips pouted and faith in the other sex depleted.

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