Been waiting for the recent instalment of the Suzi Tinder Dating Chronicles to find out if I’m on the road to a happy ending? If a rolling stone gathers no moss, then my rock is mossy as fuck. Fuzzy… Green… Moss. This is an analogy of my life, people… not my lady garden. The momentum of my last romantic rendezvous had ground to a complete halt as life managed to get in the way. And so herein lies the great problem with dating someone you have a connection with when you’re a busy functioning adult (at times). Both of you need to keep the momentum going if you want to take to the skies. So it didn’t quite work out, which stings a little…
But onwards and upwards so they say! If you want to go swimming, you have to get wet. So back into the online abys I went. I changed my bio this time though. This is what it says:
That little bit at the end there says “Nothing casual, no ONS (One Night Stands).” It never used too… So here’s what happened when I went on my first date with my new bio.
I walked into the restaurant area and had a fucking heart attack. 5’11 and a bit, blonde hair, square jaw, hairy arms. There was a part of me that thought I’ve literally swiped right on my ex-partner. That’s HIM… HE’S IN BRISBANE! WHO’S LOOKING AFTER MINIME!?!??!??!??! It wasn’t him, obviously, because I’m almost instantly irrational. But a bloke that could pass for the twin brother of my baby daddy? How on EARTH did I let this happened? I went to the bathroom and checked his pictures. I was clearly drunk when I was swiping. You should swipe when you’re drunk, or when you have your period. Take it from me.
Anyway, he turned out to be a slight more upgraded clone. Every single part of the conversation was super unnerving as I was transported back nearly six years to my first date with BD. Which I vaguely remember because I was so drunk. Which was my goal. Back when I was 24, getting pissed and having a casual dalliance was what I was about. Only it didn’t work out that way and fell in love, which is fine because even though it didn’t work, I now have the light of my life.
How unfair to pigeon hole this seemingly lovely man based on my previous experience and his aesthetic appearance. He might be boyfriend material? Let’s give this one a chance, ok? The date went perfectly fine. I made him laugh because I’m hilarious. I said, “I’m sorry I have to go back to work.” “He replied with (and points for listening to my latest obsession with the perfect martini) “Next time I’ll take you to a gin bar!” I got instantly excited. He continued with “I’m all up for new experiences, I’m only 6 weeks out of a 5 year relationship so I’ll never say no to someone pretty to have fun with.” At which point he touched my leg and I promptly left. There was a follow up text… “You looked super sexy in your work gear. Text me over the weekend when you want to catch up, not free till after 10pm Saturday.”
*insert not fucking impressed emoji*