The Suzi Tinder Dating Chronicles: Chapter 7 – Pass me that step ladder…

More tinder fatigue…. The more fatigued, the less you give a fuck. And when I talk about tinder fatigue, I mean online dating fatigue. SO because of that, this story is long and drawn out. Well, not the actual story, but the process, which, for the sake of time, I will shorten. I canned tinder in a fit of rage and decided to go on a different path and downloaded Clover. Which is the same thing almost, except they sneakily charge your itunes account (that’s a whole other story)… After an hour of using it I had a couple of matches and went yeah ok this isn’t for me. I did speak to one person though who seemed quite reasonable and worked in a related field. We exchanged numbers and began the bullshit small chat dance. How are you going? How was your weekend? What did you eat for lunch? Anyway, long story short, this process went for about 8 weeks.


8 weeks is a long time to keep up the façade of dickheadedness so I figure after this period of time, if they still seem reasonable, they must be reasonable so we organised a date. I was to meet at the big wheel in South Bank. I was sitting on those oddly shaped grass things when he tapped me on the shoulder. He looked like the Rohl Dahl BFG version of Ned Kelly. Think hipster barber shop haircut (slicked right back) and a belly button long beard. He wasn’t bad but what a rookie error on my part… why the fuck didn’t I ask him how tall he was? He was like 6’8. It was during the day and I wore flats so it made it a lot worse and within about 10 minutes of meeting him I already had a sore neck. I also had a worrying thought… what if this eventuated in sex? How would that physically work? He was like a whole torso, shoulders and head above me… it’s too awkies. If I got on my knees, would I have to use a phone book.  Let’s rule this out immediately. Yeah yeah… give the guy a chance you say. Seriously, it would have been like this…


Anyway, we found a nice bar and ordered a sharing platter and a couple of beers and we quizzed each other probably one grade above small chat. I thought we’d have more to talk about but he was very shy. After a beer or two though, he started to come out of his shell. I asked him about siblings and he disclosed he came from a large family. Speaking of disclose, like a little conversational bomb that continued like a stack of upturned dominos; “I’m the only one in my family that’s never appeared in front of a Judge (KABOOOOM), oh wait… except for that one DVO (KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM) but that wasn’t my fault, my ex-wife is a (KAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM)”


G’night folks, nothing to see here #shitmagnet



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