The Bachelor Recap Ep. 7 – Got Wood?

Ep. 7. Officially this marks the midway point of this season, oh praise Jesus. This ep sucked somewhat, with the fizz of “Dog Carrot-gate” coming to an end. The aftermath has been a bit of Abbie (Will) bashing and a very uneventful confrontation with the Persian Cigar, Sogand (Jess) and went something like “You said you didn’t want to get married and have kids, you’re a liar!” Blah blah blah. I’m sorry but I’m pro-Abbie. She’s 23 let’s just calm down on the marriage and kids part AND all she did was tell Bachie that Monique (bye Pete) called him a dog carrot. I hope my friends would let me know if some FIFO worker was smack talking me behind my back. Weirdly not the first time I’ve used that sentence before #cairnslife2002.

This week’s single date when to Emma (Lindy) so welcome to the party, I’m not sure if I’ve written your name even once this season. I had to pause my TV and go find my wet weather gear during said single date because Emma was gushing so much I didn’t want to have to re-shower. Oh gurl, just calm down. I haven’t seen that level of froth since my last brewery tour. Even I have a romance line and it was breached. I get that Matt is a bit of a nerd but he got the soundwaves of her first sentence burnt into a slab of wood, and when he gave it to her, she burst into tears of joy. If I was on a date with Matt Agnew, that’s not the type of wood I would have expected either. I also would have cried. But for different reasons.

Word. Won’t ever get that time back will I?

The single date was followed by some ridiculous group date game show which had the girls rank themselves on how fun/not fun they are. Snore. In a little bit of a twist, the rose ceremony was a live affair with the Bachelor taking each girl during the cocktail party and presenting them with a rose or not. I take back what I said about Nikki (Amie), who I think underneath the most awkward looking exoskeleton you’ve ever seen, seems to be genuinely nice, confirming to our Bachelor “I’m really hoping you can be my life partner.” Reminds me of an ep I saw of Ellen back in the late 90’s, but don’t worry girlfriend, I am picking up what your putting down, and so did the Bachie, as she got a rose. It was sweet. Literally moments before when being consoled after bursting into tears at the prospect of going home, Mary (Mon) told her to “take a breath and let it go,” to which she responded “Like a good wee?” What a versatile chick. I’m a fan. Who didn’t get a rose? Sorry Brianna (Brett). Your awkward response of “I never plan more then a week in advance” when The Bachie asked when she wanted to get married, kinda sealed her fate.

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