The Bachelor Recap Ep. 15 – Nerd Alert

Ep. 15. Ok, last one before the big one. Let’s recap. We have Helena, Abbie and Chelsea left and at the end we’ll have our final two. Chelsea kicks up off with a single date in what is the most openly sweet and dorky thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life. Matt has a present hidden in a safe, and has created this elaborate sequence of activities that tie into a math equation Chelsea must work out (omg without a calculator?!) in order to get the code. Seriously, it was something to behold. I actually have to physically transcribe some of it for you because it is next level thoughtful:

“On our last date, take the Sea plane cruising altitude in feet, divided by the top speed of the Porsche GT3 we arrived in that I lost the keys for, in miles per hour. Then on date two, take the distance we fell for each other in feet when we went abseiling and then times it by the bake time of the banana bread we made on our first date and divide by the degrees it was baked in degrees Celsius”… I don’t even know my seven times tables. Seriously…. Chelsea goes in for the big one and says “I’m falling in love with you” and we all rejoice. I think we all did at that moment. He’s been trying so hard all season to keep the nerd in but they really are a match made in heaven. If she doesn’t win, Love really is dead.

Abbie’s turn and I think I’ve just about had enough… She’s rubbing her gigantic chocolate covered carrot all over him now, it’s not dangling anymore. “I just want to (make babies) with you right now, I’m so (sexually frustrated).” Seriously…Trying to keep it G rated. You’re on national TV, love. He won’t pick her… he will use his mind, not his other parts to make this decision. I’m not even worried.

Helena. Jesus Christ… showing your feelings isn’t a weakness. “I feel like I’ve been open…” About as open as an angry clam. And guess what? It’s bitten her on her perfectly proportioned backside. She went home. Only 6 episodes too late.

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