The Bachelor Recap #5 – Dog Carrot.

Ep. 5. This one is going to need a bit of a language warning. Given the distribution list, I feel like not even asterixis are going to be appropriate so my way to get around this would be to substitute the world’s most offensive word, with the worlds least most offense word. Carrot. So now when you read the word carrot, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Kinda of like a read between the lines situation. I don’t have a good track record with that word after what I accidentally wrote in our former COO’s going away card :/

Anyway…We on the same page? Ok good. On with the show. Abbie (Will) scores the first single date of the episode after last week’s intensely sexual photo shoot and post shoot snog at the cocktail party and no one is surprised. Angry, yes. All b*tching and whinging about it? Oh hell YES. As I feel like I point out every recap, they all seem to have forgotten they’re on a dating show where one man is simultaneously dating 25 different women. Matt explains, about a million times, what intense sexual chemistry he had with Abbie and how he’s keen to get to know her on an intellectual level. I have some bad news for you Matty… Can we go back to the first recap when he told her he was an Astrophysicist and she responded with “I’m a Gemini.” The date went as expected. Abbie is about as shallow as a glass of water so can only use the one weapon in her arsenal to keep him on the line the whole date, which is pointing to her own chest and touching him a lot. The only deep spot we reached was when she openly spoke about her Daddy issues. But seriously she was clutching at straws and recognising a sinking ship, she pulled the pin and threw a grenade into the mansion. An incident I will always refer to as the “dog carrot” incident.

Basically, Monica (Pete) referred to our Bach as a “dog carrot” and “disgusting pig” when she found out he kissed Abbie at the cocktail party. Shock. Something about disrespecting the other girls. Umm… hello? Abbie uses her single date to disclose this information. Matt genuinely looks defeated, and why wouldn’t he. 10 years at Uni and Doctorate and you are nothing but a dog carrot. Tough break. Things reach a head at the cocktail party when Matt decides to confront Monica, who literally denies the whole thing. To get to the bottom of things Matt get Abbie and Monica together and there’s a hell of a lot of dog carrots flying around, stunned looks and denial. Matt announces he is wasting his time and stages the most disappointing storm out. A shoulder shrug and away he goes. The life of a dog carrot is hard. The dog carrot stuff got me so shook I forgot to mention there were two other individual dates with Chelsie (Stew) and Helena (Honey). Welcome to the party guys, you’ve been out shadowed by the dog carrot incident and I’ve run out of word count. By the way, C U Next Tuesday to our Ukulele player Julie (Joel) who left when it really should have been Monica #unfair.

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