The Bachelor Recap #13 and #14

The end is nigh.

Ep. 13 YAAAAS home town visit weeeeek! You know what that means right? It’s all nearly over and I won’t be buckling under the crippling pressure to produce a satirical and overly enthusiastic collection of oratorical fireworks for you all. But I digress.  Firstly, the typical Bachie overly produced same kind of episode outline before we get to Thursdays thrilling episode… the bowling.. What on Earth did they let the Honey Badger do to his hair? And seriously.. bowling? We are well and truly wading through the pond scum that accumulates at the bottom of the barrel. Cas has a cry again when she reads aloud a letter to her future self, with Nick the father of her 6 strong brood. I foresee a heart break of epic proportions. Britt scores a single date and like almost every tinder date I’ve ever been on, it ends at Max Brenner. Chocolate releases endorphins and happy people are less likely to commit assault. It’s a win win. Sophie also scores a single date. They do a bit of ice skating and it’s hell boring. Back to the Bachie mansion things start to heat up and all of a sudden a feel hugely uncomfortable. What is this on my TV during a family time slot…  Goodness gracious, my delicate eyes.

Anyways, double elimination! SURPRISE.

Sorry, Amie and Honey, Dasha and Emily have left the building!

Ep 14. Home TOOOOOOWN VISITS! Ok so I was so hyping this up like nobodies business. I was genuinely pumped to see the Honey Badger take on the Dad from hell, but damn you wily channel 10 producers. Dad from hell turned out to not have a lot of respect for footballers who mishandle their partners, like the rest of Australia. Ground breaking television. I tell you what the home town visits prove? Everyone’s family is just that little bit weird. What this episode will be remembered for is the collective sigh heard around the World as Cass had her heart brutally torn from her chest and broken to smithereens. Sorry Henry. The ending of your first teen love, where you feel like you can’t go on and there’s nothing else you can do except listen to My Chemical Romance and entertain the thought of an eating disorder. He loves me, he loves me not and round the daisy you go… He loves you not Cass, and our hearts bleed for you and your extensions (which should be the Bachelorette).

Finale week this week and there’s only a couple of us left in the trenches.

Contestant Backer Contestant Backer
       
       
Brittany Suzi Brooke Niraj
       
       
       
       
       
       
Sophie Joel    
       
       

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