Return of the Mack

Jesus Christ what a month… Had a wee trip to Sydney which unfolded into an episode of Days of our Lives but ended up finishing like an episode of the Golden Girls. Everyone’s friends again and I guess that all that matters. Matty J wasn’t picked in the bachelorette finale. I’m thrilled. Because this means he’s likely to be pick for the Bachelor AND I’M GOING TO WIN HIS HEART! SO there’s that plan. I randomly applied for an SBS cooking show (watch this space). I also sat my end of semester exams. Prepping for exams has involved a lot of reclusive behaviour, a lot of vomiting, getting lost and a bout of RSI in my neck from craning over my laptop like Golum over my precious (collection of Matty J photos I stole from Instagram). Not kidding.

It’s also involved nearly dying from sheer cuteness as Miss Monster attended her first couple of Ballet lessons. Erm-aye-gawd. Cute enough to turn even the most avid child hater into a puddle of love. I’m such a sap… She goes on stage to do her curtsy and I find it so hard not to cry or explode from pride. I FUCKING MADE THAT! ME! COOKED TO PERFECTION BY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To be self deprecating for a moment, I’m shocked to have contributed in making something so god damn perfect. We’ve also starting swimming again, you know how much I hate getting wet.. like legit hate getting into a public pool. Combine that with a child SO excited about being in the water and has zero spacial awareness it’s like trying to win a slapping match with an octopus. We’ve also started growing our own food! I’ll try to remember to take progress shots (of the dog eating my sprouts before I’ve had a chance to plant them). I’ve also got my wee brother about to visit me from the mother country. The poor bastard doesn’t know what he’s in for. Thus far I’ve got him to outlay money on a Halloween costume for a street parade tomorrow and new duds so I can drag him to the races for Melbourne Cup. Gotta show him the real Australia, right?

So, life is amazing and busy. But now that one component has died down and I get a little bit more spare time back, it’s time to put on a pair of thick skinned bathers and wade back into the tinder dating pool with the sharks. Lets meet contestant #1. Funny. Sends me cute snap chats with little caricatures in them. SOUNDS¬†like he MIGHT¬†have his shit together? Super cute but, beautiful teeth. How has this become a thing for me? They’re literally amazing. Got a snap at 9:30pm last night caption “the naked chef” and was a photo of him naked with a plate of food strategically covering his unmentionables. Half of me was like… awww.. he was doing so well, such a shame… and the other half of me was like, that’s kind of funny? SO i’m currently on the fence but tentatively penciled in for a date.

Lets meet contestant #2. Dry dry dryyyyyyyyyyyyy typically English sense of humor. Very cheeky and quite persistent. Showed enormous amounts of sweetness during my exams, showering me with good lucks and you’ll do amazing and just have a positive attitude. Aww. Likes to purposely call me Suzanne. Which I hate. SO i’m currently on the fence but tentatively penciled in for a date.

I’m madly swiping still, he has to be on here somewhere….


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