The Ghost of Boyfriends Past


I’m experiencing a very very strange phenomenon recently that I can’t explain. No one else can explain it either so I’m keen to hear your thoughts. I feel like I’m walking down the halls of ex-boyfriends past. Some of them surprising and some of them completely unwanted. What the fuck is going on, universe?
Week before last while I was on the Tindering bandwagon, I came across a guy I used to date when I first moved back to Brisvegas. Whilst I write a lot about the tinder dates gone bad, I don’t tend to write about the good ones. Mostly because there’s really only been two potentials. Just before my birthday I went on probably one of the most amazing dates I ever have before. He was handsome, successful and absolutely hilarious. It sure had been a long time since I’d shared that kind of connection with anyone before. So what did I do? I ruined it. The night never ended and as the weeks rolled on by he became really withdrawn. I cancelled birthday plans I had to be with my friends because he wanted to see me. When he turned up with not so much as a bottle of wine and didn’t stay the night, I knew, and kicked myself for not seeing the signs. Not wanting to flog a dead horse I said thanks this has been great but I’d like someone to value the time and effort I put in. He apologized for being busy/absent and didn’t protest. I never spoke to him again and I felt somewhat ashamed for giving so much of my self so soon, in more respects than one. Insta-stalking the following week after calling it quits, he had a girlfriend. So he was either dating us both at the same time and didn’t pick me, or he moved on immediately. Either way it stung.
Fast forward a year and a half and there he is back on Tinder. A big blue box around his picture (that’s a super like, as in he’s super liked my profile). I internally laughed and swiped left (no thank you) and went on my merry way. The next day he contacted me on Instagram. Now, I’m going to slightly paraphrase the conversation minus the small chat/how are the you/job/kids blah blah. “So when are you going to invite me around to your house for a home cooked meal. Don’t think I haven’t forgotten what ‘skills’ you have.” While I was pretty much more offended by that than anything else that’s ever been said to me before, I couldn’t help but feel responsible because of the way it all started, which was my fault. I politely replied about not wanting to be a rebound, as he was literally a week out of his last relationship. He apologized again for the brazen inference. We left it. He contacted me again yesterday for which he won’t get a reply. I have enough friends, thanks.
Also yesterday, I got a facebook message from an old flame. Again, another one that stung when he ended it, mostly because we had been friends for about 15 years before hand and that was the hardest part of it to loose. Again, what felt like 5 minutes after it ended, he was in another relationship. You’ll know if you’ve read any of my previous blogs, I’m the female equivalent of good luck chuck. The one before the one if you know what I mean. And another one who’s recently become single. This isn’t just a coincidence. This is like the 4th or 5th time this has happened in the last year. On top of that, I frequently find that old work colleagues or school friends that are freshly out of relationships contact me as well. “Hey, let’s go out for a drink?” While that’s surely not as bad as the ghosts of ex boyfriends past, it makes me wonder about what I’m projecting out into the universe. I went so far as to google this phenomenon as there’s nothing on it at all. I’m destined to live like Bill Murray in Groundhog day until I learn this valuable life lesson… Which is?


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