Does Abstinence make the heart grow fonder?

So here’s a bit of a post pregnancy issue that not a lot of people care to talk about. Sex. After all, it’s this very act that got us into this wonderful mess in the first place right? It kind of now has to be approached in the same way you might arrange to get your tax done through your accountant. There’s the initial conversation that may be similar to booking in your appointment and may range from “are you busy 9pm Thursday” to “are you awake?” Then there’s the organising of your paper work (needing to go to the doctors to get contraception/woolies to buy condoms… I’ve just regressed to my 18 year old self). Lastly there’s the actual appointment. Now how do you feel when you go to see your tax accountant? There’s either YAY money back or BOO tax bill.


When it comes to sex after birth, you’re either going to be rejoicing and tearing your partners clothes off at the prospect of loving without the weight of a watermelon down your front or you may feel nervous/apprehensive or not have any sexual feelings whatsoever. Perhaps feel ever so slightly obligated after it got put on the back burner for a while. Guilty as charged.


There are so many issues to consider from “where’s the baby during all this” to “how do I feel about my body now that it’s changed” to “does my partner still find me attractive?” Then there’s the added pressure of performance anxiety. Perhaps for your partner but mostly for you. “Will it still feel the same or is it going to be like chucking a sausage down a hallway?” An 8lb baby came outta there, cut yourself some slack! Here’s an interesting fact my midwife shared with me on her last visit when I broached this topic. “For some women, it may take a year for the sexual feelings to come back, so don’t rush it.” A YEAR!! So what did I do (and if you’re family or co-workers, please stop reading… Ok you’ve stopped right? Good…)? Four weeks after my c section I accosted my poor nervous sailor, much to his hesitation and ended up clamming shut faster than an acme bear trap. It was as if my noonie was like “WHAT?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!” Talk about an epic fail.


Now that he’s been absent for a month, my body has had adequate time to heal as has my mind. So here’s my tip, don’t feel obligated. Just do what feels right. Just because you’ve become a mum, does not mean you loose the identity you had before and that includes your sexual identity. Being a mum just makes you wonderfully multifaceted. If it means waiting a little longer then just wait that little bit longer. Do whatever it is that you need to do to make yourself feel sexy and desirable. For my sailor, if you end up reading this before you return home from overseas, you’d better clear your schedule for a week. I am willing and able!

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