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Ep. 12.Mate, this ep was a banger. Please read, then click the hyper link and watch the Punkee recap because I laughed so hard on the train I snorted really loudly and guy next to me moved seats. So, continuing on from the awkwardness of Helena’s (Honey) date after being picked by the previous Bach…

Ep. 11.I’ve been waiting for this moment for two years. Matty J’s triumphant return to The Bachelor and my, didn’t he look just as pretty as he did all those moons ago when ice-queen Georgia Love devastated the nation by picking tall tradie Lee for reasons that still keep me up at night. The only…

Ep. 10. Group date is all about yoga pants at the circus with a dude who had THE BIGGEST and LONGEST most IMPRESSIVE moustache you’ve ever seen in your entire life. That’s what you want when you’re required to nail every position (according to said moustache man). They seem to flipping through random positions of…

Ep. 9. Aww my girl! Elly (Suzi) scored her second single date with Matt! YAY! Game over everyone I’ve said it from the start!! They love each other! Anyway, this date is budge-as. A couple of “fire experts” are on hand to let them know how flammable they are, and how dangerous it is because…

Ep. 8. The Abbie (Will)/Sogand (Jess) show, like life imitating art, continues on its merry way with the core of the argument that at 23, Abbie is not ready to get married and have kids. And that makes her a monster?? I’d like to publicly thank channel 10 for setting women’s rights back five decades,…

Ep. 7. Officially this marks the midway point of this season, oh praise Jesus. This ep sucked somewhat, with the fizz of “Dog Carrot-gate” coming to an end. The aftermath has been a bit of Abbie (Will) bashing and a very uneventful confrontation with the Persian Cigar, Sogand (Jess) and went something like “You said…

Ep.6. Oh. My. God… the Druh-Ra-Mah of this episode had me fizzing. Firstly, I think we have a new front runner in Chelsie (Stew). Our quiet and well-mannered chemical engineer sat on the back burner for quite some time and tbh, I discounted her and assumed she’d fade to black. This week’s single date was…

Ep. 5. This one is going to need a bit of a language warning. Given the distribution list, I feel like not even asterixis are going to be appropriate so my way to get around this would be to substitute the world’s most offensive word, with the worlds least most offense word. Carrot. So now…

Ep 4. I have a HUGE beef on how this episode played out. Ladies and Gentlemen, Suzi is angry. Angry enough to refer to myself in the first person. Firstly, yeah, yeah, congrats to Monique (Pete) for scoring a single date. Not write worthy because I fell asleep. However, for those new to The Bachelor…

Ep 3 . Ok everyone calm down, turns out Vakoo (Amie) had pink eye… that’s why she was missing from Ep 2’s Rose ceremony. Seriously, what goes on in The Bachelor mansion when the camera isn’t rolling? I feel like it’s not lingerie pillow fights more like a forced Dutch oven situation for the intruders…